On a rainy day, you would normally remember to wear a raincoat and boots. When going to a nice restaurant, you wear a collared shirt and not athletic gear. Even when traveling on an airplane, you would now bring comfortable clothes and easy slip-off shoes. Every circumstance has its appropriate attire. One situation that is often overlooked by many is the partaking of Pho. 

I see this as a future FDA health advisory: 

Pho is the comfort food of the Asian world, just like fried chicken is the comfort food of the South (or is it the Krispy Kreme burger). As with all comfort foods, there is potential health hazard lurking. The combinations of aromatics from the star anise/basil/other spices with simmered pork bones (amino acids) creates an aerosol scent molecule with increased volatility. Prolonged exposure to pho can lead to repulsion of significant others, family and friends. Other side effects may include, drowsyness, watery eyes, dry mouth, and runny nose. Never operate heavy machinery within 30 minutes of eating pho. 

Okay, maybe it doesn’t have to go to that extent, but many people are unprepared for eating pho. Too often I have gone out with friends for pho and then we proceed to hang out with other friends, leading to potentially awkward situations: 

Recent Pho Eater: “Yo J, how’s it going?” 

Non-Pho’d Friend: “Good, (:sniffs air) you  just had pho huh?” 

Recent Pho Eater: (hanging head in shame) “Yeah…you can tell huh?” 

Then the conversation either is all about pho and why it smells, or there’s just dead silence from awkwardness. The same scenario applies if a group of girls/guys go out for pho and one of them were to come home to their significant other. In the relationship scenario, the 30 foot rule is fair game. The 30 foot rule is when your significant other smells better when he/she is 30 feet apart from you. 

I personally will never eat pho if I am not properly dressed for the occassion but there are some ways to avoid these unfortuante scenarios…. 

Keys to success: 

1. Never take a girl out to pho on a first date 

2. Bring a change of clothes

3. Eat at a well ventilated pho restaurant. (Here, you may want to call ahead and ask how many doors/windows they keep open) 

4. Wear easy to wash clothes. Dry cleaning clothes drenched in pho-roma will cost you the same as your pho meal. 

5. Buy my new Pho-breeze line of air-freshener, specially formulated to absorb the pho odors and release a pleasant pine scent. 

Pho Shizzle my nizzle

E